How this whole thing started.

In September of 2007, my boyfriend (now fiance) and I decided we wanted to try bcp as a form of contraception. I had never been on it before and didnt know what to expect.  My gyno first put me on Yaz (low estrogen dose pill)  and I bled for 30 days straight.  She then said you need a higher dose pill and put me on Yasmin (one of the highest dose estrogen pills made).  Yasmin worked much better, I stopped bleeding everyday and began to have regular periods.  Nearly a year passed and I started noticing that my hair was thinning and getting more and more brittle.  I had gone from wanting sex everyday to practically never at all.  It had become a "chore" and I was always more interested in sleeping than in sex before sleep.  Sex had also become painful for me as I was incredibly dry.  I decided to check some possible side effects of the birth control pill and sure enough I found my answer to why my body was changing for the worse.  In September of 2008 after my pack of Yasmin had finished, I decided not to start anther pack and go back to using condoms.  Well, my friends....the story or shall I say the nightmare begins there.  

About 2 weeks after stopping the pill, I started having a irregular heartbeat and palpitations, dizzy spells, waking up at night with cold sweats, and not being able to fall back to sleep.  I thought nothing of it even though it was totally out of the norm for me.  3 weeks after stopping the pill, I told Charlie to take me to the hospital as I was certain I was having a heart attack.  We got to the hospital in Manhattan and they immediately did an EKG which was normal but my heart was racing at about 130-140 beats a minute (normal is about 60-90 and normal for me was about 75).  They asked me all sorts of questions and I answered them all and told them everytihng I had done differently which was just one thing.  I stopped Yasmin 3 weeks ago.  Every test under the sun was done and all came back normal.  I had regular thyroid levels and seemed to be just haivng an anxiety attack (my first one).  They gave me a muscle relaxer via IV and I was knocked out yet my heart was still doing over 120 beats a minute....WITH ME SLEEPING.  The doctors then said "you're obviously not having an anxiety attack so we're going to give you a beta-blocker (a medicine used for tachycardia) to calm it down".  So they did, and it went down to about 95.  I was then released and told to go to a cardiologist.  I walked out of the hospital dizzy, light sensitive, and totally out of it.  I went home and knew in my gut that this was more than a heart issue.  The 10 days would turn into the darkest and scariest days of my life.  

I got home and kept saying to Charlie "something is wrong...something is terribly wrong." I couldnt even put what I was feeling into words.  I felt completely anxious, my vision was impaired, the colors and clarity of objects seeemed abnormal, I was dizzy, experiencing memory loss, had migraines, had a complete loss of appetite, felt totally disoriented, didn't know my own birth date at times, felt totally hopeless and thought of nothing but suicide.  I lost 10 pounds in 5 days.  Mind you, I had never ever had any of these symptoms before.  I was a totally vibrant, happy and strong person who could tackle the most stressful of situations (as I have had a pretty hard life growing up) and now I couldn't even feed myself.  I slept about 2 hours a night and had incredible nightmares during those two hours.  I felt as though there were bugs crawling on my skin, had hot flashes and was certain I was going insane and in fear of being locked up in a mental ward, I just wanted death.  Nothing seemed more peaceful than death those days.  I was recently engaged, had an incredible job I loved, was the happiest person just 3 weeks ago and now nothing mattered.  

I went to my internist and told him what had happened.  He wanted to put me on anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, and sleeping pills.  Me not being a pill popper to begin with and being deathly afraid of anything and everything at the time, refused to take any of those meds although the anxiety got so bad some days that I gave in to the xanax but would break it in half for fear that taking a whole one would just kill me.  This is all funny even writing it now but at the time I was not operating with a full-deck.  Charlie started reading up on possible side-effects of being off the bc pill and he found no "medical" sites that talked about any kind of hormonal imbalance when coming off that pill but found dozens of forum sites with thousands of women who were experiencing the EXACT side effects I was.  Everyday he would have to reassure me that I wasnt crazy or bi-polar or dying.  5 days after the hospital, I got my period and each day after that was better and better.  Slowly but surely the anxiety and feeling like I was on uppers went away and I started to sleep and gain my appetite back.  I was still not well by any means (could not work or be left alone) but I certainly didn't want to die anymore.  I just wanted to be well and had some feeling of hope back.  Then, miraculously, one morning (on day 16 of my cycle now that I've calculated) I woke up hysterically laughing and could not even believe what had happened.  I felt completely back to myself and alive, with all my confidence back and it all seemed like a bad joke.  A nightmare from which I had finally awoken.  About 10 wonderful days later, I got sleepless again and woke up with the same hot flashes and nightmares.  It was starting all over again.  I was supposed to get my period in 4 days and I was falling apart.  First the anxiety and loss of sleep, then the days of deep depression where nothing matters--not even your own life.  The day I got my second period since stopping Yasmin, I started to get the terrible dizzy spells followed by that fuzzy-head, scattered brain, lost in the world feeling.  That terrible feeling of not knowing if you could get home if you were alone.  Day 2 was the worst of the month (not as bad as the worst day of the first month) with me not being able to get out of bed with chronic pain and complete confusion.  Watching TV and not understanding the story line.   Not wanting to eat but making myself eat.  Not wanting to be touched as I felt like there were flashes of heat and bugs crawling on it.  It is now day 8 of my cycle and I feel much better--I went to lunch with my friends today.  I dont feel all "there" yet (have that fuzzy-head and disorientation still) but have a sense of hope that I will wake up soon and have it be gone again.  But I'm too educated about this now to think its just going go away with one day of waking up and laughing it away.  I am patiently awaiting the day that I am BACK again but dreading the days before my next period when I'm THERE again.  

I started going to a naturopath and he suggested I start taking a Magnesium supplement to calm the nervous system and make my anxiety better, fish oil pills for the Essential Fatty Acids that are key to hormonal balance and did acupuncture to "balance me".  The biggest help however, came from reading the dozens of helpless women who were posting their symptoms on blog sites and no doctor telling them that their hormones are messed up after being off the pill and those hormones like Estradiol and Progestin are responsible for such key bodily functions like regulating heart rhythm, keeping bones healthy, hair loss, mental clarity, muscle strength, regulating sleep, feeling safe and secure, and overall sense of well-being.  I realize that no doctor out there specializes in "womens hormones" and a gyno just sends people like us to a shrink since they only know how to treat reproductive issues and do surgery such as a C-Section.

I also went to an endocrinologist and she was the first person to give me some hope by saying "you seem to be having symptoms similar to that of post-partum depression (aka lack of estrogen in the body after having a baby) and until our body adjusts on its own, maybe we should try putting you on a low-dose estrogen patch around the time of our period when your estrogen drops again."  Apparently when a woman goes on the bc pill, the pill provides the estrogen in your body and your ovaries totally turn off and stop making their own estrogen.  When you STOP taking the pill, you're no longer putting estrogen in our body and your ovaries are still turned off so you have NO estrogen needed for these regularities until your ovaries turn back on again and start making the right balance of hormones for your body like they used to prior to taking the pill.  Some people dont experience any of the side effects I have (and a TON of other women have) like my best friend who stopped taking the pill and was totally fine with no side-effects and then there are women like us who feel like their bodies are falling apart with chronic joint pain, depression, anxiety etc etc.  

I am still praying this just goes away and I wont need the patch next month but I am ready to take it as I cannot imagine another 7-10 days of total hell next month.  I'm reading "It's My Ovaries, Stupid" by Dr. Elizabeth Vliet and am ready to fly to Texas just to be evaluated by her.  This book has given me so many answers to my seemingly hopeless questions and  I suggest anyone who thinks they're going through a hormonal change should take her self-asessment test and to know that THERE IS HOPE.  

Its time to read some more and get ready for the battle with sleep.  I will post how my day is going tomorrow.  I hope this will give someone hope out there.  Night.